


Very Much The One

by Sapphicsarah



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst, F/F, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-10-04 00:03:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10262105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphicsarah/pseuds/Sapphicsarah
Summary: Prompt from Berniecampbell: Bernie goes out and has drinks with Alex, for closure. Serena gets jealous.





	

 

They have been together for a little over two years. Two wonderful years.

And yet, Serena is still nervous when, out of the blue, Alex emails Bernie. Bernie is sitting up in bed, looking over emails on her phone before they turn in for the night. Her reading glasses are perched low on her nose, and Serena is leafing through a magazine.

“Oh,” Bernie murmurs.

“Hmm,” Serena hums.

After a moment of silence she looks up, and sees Bernie’s face scrunched up and nervous.

“What is it?”

“Alex emailed me,” Bernie says slowly.

Serena raises an eyebrow. “Your Alex?”

“Well, not my Alex-”

“But Alex Dawson?”

Bernie clears her throat and looks away to the phone, swiping so the light of the screen turns back on.

“Yes, Alex Dawson.”

Serena’s eyes flit down to the phone. “And?”

“What?” Bernie says distractedly. She looks away and up to Serena again.

“What does she want Bernie?” Her voice is a little tight, she is tired and Bernie can be truly awful at communication.

“She wants to meet.” Bernie clears her throat once more. “For, ah… closure, or something.”

After a moment Bernie hands her the phone. “Here, read it.”

Serena hesitates, then takes the phone. She looks down at the short, but friendly email. It’s strange, but Serena had almost forgotten about the anesthetist. Her chest feels a little tight at the “x” that follows Alex’s name at the end of the message.

The invitation is to meet up at a bar not far from the hospital.

“Do you want to go?” Serena asks softly.

“I...I think so?” Bernie says meekly.

Serena looks over to her. She sighs when she sees Bernie’s shoulders up and tight. Bernie is nervous, her hands clenched together in her lap. Serena always watches Bernie’s hands, since they are often more telling than Bernie’s words.

“Then you should go, Bernie.” Serena makes sure that her voice is kind.

“Are you sure?” Bernie’s voice is a little firmer. “I’ll only go if it’s okay with you.”

Serena smiles and huffs. “I appreciate the sentiment darling. But you don’t need my permission to do things.”

Bernie shakes her head. “All the same, I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” Serena says, reaching over with a reassuring hand to Bernie’s forearm. She gives the phone back to Bernie.

“Great,” Bernie says with a small smile. “I’ll email her back now.”

“Good,” Serena murmurs.

She turns and places the forgotten magazine on the nightstand and turns out her light. She falls asleep to the sound of the phone’s keyboard clicking.

…

 

Serena is totally fine with Bernie going to see Alex. She is totally fine. Until she isn’t.

It’s not that she thinks Bernie will cheat on her. It’s just that…

Alexandra Dawson was beautiful.

Serena had never formally met the doctor, but she had seen her in the corridor, marching along, gliding through the hospital as if she had been there for years and not mere hours. Alex had been tall, with a striking face, and short dark hair. Serena had remembered her arms, how strong they had looked. Must be an army thing.

She had helped Bernie perform an emergency tracheotomy. In the bloody MRI machine.

And she knew Bernie. _Really_ knew Bernie. They had been best friends in the Royal Army Medical Corps. They had been attached to the samie unit. She had been blown up by the same IED, and had probably saved Bernie’s life. For that, Serena will always be grateful. This woman, somewhere out there in the world had made Bernie safe, and had made it possible for Bernie to come into Serena’s life.

Serena knew some of their story. She knew about their first kiss, how Bernie had tried hard to fight the growing attraction. And Bernie had told her how happy they had been, in their little bubble way out there in the desert. They were lovers, which was officially very much not allowed. They had been best friends too. And Bernie had ended it with a phone call.

Bernie had used Alex’s words months later. She had murmured them with her eyes closed and her hands resting on Serena’s arms as she pushed away. Echoes of lovers past, come to haunt them.

“That’s what you don’t want. You need time and space to figure out what you do want.”

It was the same thing. But it had taken weeks and hundreds of miles between them for Bernie to come back. They never did meet halfway.

And then, they had been happy. Gloriously, wonderfully, ridiculously happy. Christmas had been tough. Elinor had sulked in the corner, Jason had watched Doctor Who nonstop, Charlotte had barely said a word, and Cameron had only stuck to work-related topics. But Bernie had been there, by her side, with one hand tucked around Serena’s waist.

Bernie remained when Elinor died, even when Serena grew distant. She was lost to grief for a long time. Those months had passed like years, slow and grey, tinged with anger and infinite sadness. She was not truly present in their relationship, and had been wrapped up and overwhelmed by the weight of it all. There had been this gaping hole in her life where Elinor had been, and all of this history was slipping away. Her daughter’s life packed up in cardboard and lost in faded photographs. Elinor’s hair held together in a pink bow and tucked away in a jewelry box.

Bernie had called her “my partner” and called her out. Serena had never thought about what they were to each other, never thought about the words. The term was quite fitting. Months later, she had been sat in a restaurant, waiting for Bernie to arrive from the hospital. The waiter had asked if she was waiting for someone.

“Yes, my partner.”

The words had come tumbling out, natural and spontaneous. They had felt good to say, and she had smiled as the waiter wandered away. When Bernie did arrive, Serena had stood up and kissed her in the middle of the crowded restaurant. It had surprised Bernie, but Serena had needed to do it, had needed to kiss her as soon as she saw her. It was there, in the Italian restaurant with the extensive wine list that Serena felt herself finally returning.

But it wasn’t all roses and incandescent happiness. Serena could still be hard to live with, and was occasionally moody and distant. She knew she could be a little bossy. And Bernie was terrible with words and rubbish at housekeeping. Her shoes were left in the corridor, her dishes went unwashed in the sink, and piles of running clothes collected on the bedroom floor.

They fought. Sometimes at home, where they shouted. Sometimes at work, where they had quiet and heated arguments in their office. They had gone to bed angry. And yet, it was the best relationship Serena had ever been in. Arguments were always temporary, and usually solved within a day, or at least dealt with and discussed. Bernie never punished her, never treated her poorly, never said cruel or vicious things like Edward had. She had never strayed, like Edward had.

She knows Bernie loves her strong and true. But she cannot help the anxious feeling that settles as she waits for Bernie to come home from meeting with Alex. Serena had watched Bernie get ready, putting some mascara and chapstick on while looking in the hallway mirror. Her hair had been a little wild, and her hands were wringing together and Serena had stepped closer. She had taken Bernie’s hands and squeezed them gently. She had murmured “It will be okay.” She had kissed Bernie on the cheek and watched her drive off into the night.  

Now, she sits at the kitchen table, cradling a cup of peppermint tea. She would prefer wine, but tea has been the beverage of choice for a while now. Her fingers strum on the wood of the table, and she pretends to not be watching the clock hanging on the wall by the fridge. Bernie had said she would be home by 10:00. She sends a quick text at 10:15, just to check in.

 

Hope everything is going well?

Serena x.

 

But time passes, and suddenly it's 10:30. Jason is at a friend’s flat for the night so Serena puts the kettle on and finishes another cup of tea. She paces, and then it's 11:00. Neither of them have work in the morning, but it's not like Bernie to be out late. She is a homebody, a quality that endears her to Serena. Date night is often a quiet night in.

Serena glances at her phone again. She sighs when she sees no text from Bernie. She decides against sending another message, it could be intrusive. Perhaps they had more to talk about then Bernie thought?

But when the clock strikes midnight Serena is fuming. She’s worried and angry and why hasn’t Bernie texted back? Her partner is out with a beautiful woman, a former lover, and Serena is tired from working all day, and she wants Bernie to be back. Her mind is all a jumbled mess, and her heart rate jumps as she sees Bernie pull up to the house.

She goes to the back door, taking deep breaths, trying to remember her therapist's words about remaining calm.

 _Fuck that_ , she thinks, for Bernie has gotten out of the car, and she looks radiant. Her face is all aglow, and her cheeks are red from the cool of the evening. She looks… happy.

And suddenly Serena is nervous, truly nervous for what Alex may have had to say. How can Serena compete with years of friendship? With the comradery of the army? Has Serena ever made Bernie smile like that?

 _Don’t leave me_ , Serena thinks. She blinks back angry tears, and waits for Bernie at the foot of the stairs. She crosses her arms and leans against the wall.

“Hello,” Bernie says cheerfully, as she walks through the back door. Her face is flushed, and there are snowflakes in her hair. Serena stiffens as Bernie leans to kiss her on the cheek.

“Did you have a nice time?” Serena flinches at the flatness of her own voice, and watches Bernie hesitate before pulling away.

“I did! I’m really glad I went.”

Bernie looks at her, and furrows her brow. She’s smiles uncertainly and begins to take off her coat as Serena watches from her place on the wall.

“Did you get my text?”

Bernie pauses, then turns around. “Oh Serena, I'm sorry. My phone died while I was there, I completely forgot to charge it this afternoon."  

“Oh,” Serena mumbles, feeling a little relieved. “So it was a good decision then? To go?”

“Yes,” Bernie murmurs softly. She is smiling gently, and Serena feels a tug in her chest at the look.

“Okay,” Serena says shortly, and turns to walk up the stairs.

“Serena?” Bernie’s concerned voice stops her, and Serena looks back down at the other woman. “What is it? I thought you were okay with me going?”

Serena closes her eyes, a little overwhelmed. She can’t bear the sight of Bernie now. She’s still glowing and Serena won’t stand in her way if Bernie wants to go back to Alex. It will be unbearable, but she would let her go. If it meant Bernie would be happy.

Serena does wonder, if Bernie is happy in their life together. It had started in such a turbulent time. Only recently has it become smooth sailing, only a few months ago that they went on their first holiday together. No, Serena would not blame Bernie for wanting to leave. Grief changes people, and perhaps this is what Serena can do to repay Bernie for getting her though.

“I… Bernie I-”

She swallows, sadness catching up to her. The anger has vanished, and in its place is that tight feeling she has sometimes when things are a bit too much. Her voice is shaky but she says it.

“Are you going back to her?”

Her eyes are still closed, but she opens them when Bernie does not answer. She gasps at the anger in Bernie’s eyes. Her voice is hard and brittle, and Serena trembles.

“What?”

Serena looks away to her feet and whispers. “I understand, and I won’t stand in your way. If it's what you really want.”

She hears Bernie step closer, the second step creaking beneath Bernie’s foot. Bernie walks the five steps up to stand on the step just below Serena.

“Serena,” Bernie whispers. She flinches at the raw emotion in Bernie’s voice. “Serena- look at me!”

Serena looks up, her breath catching once more. “It’s just that…”

Bernie tilts her head, waiting. Her right hand comes up to grasp Serena’s, and Serena grips it tight, holding it as if it were a lifeline. She clutches it to her chest and kisses the knuckles, then looks into Bernie’s eyes.

“I’ve often wondered…” she says slowly. “Bernie, are you happy?”

“Yes,” Bernie answers instantly.

“No, what I mean is… with me? With us? Is this…” She pauses to clear her throat, and whispers. “Is this enough for you?”

“What brought this on?” Bernie asks gently, all traces of anger vanishing with the sound of uncertainty in Serena's voice.  It’s too much and Serena is suddenly wishing she was still angry, rather than so very sad and tired.

“Please, just…” She takes a deep breath. “Do you love her?”

“Of course,” Bernie states matter of factly, with a shrug of the shoulders.

“Then that’s settled then,” Serena quips. She lets go of Bernie’s hand and turns to march up the stairs, march away from this conversation and the looming realization that she’s suddenly all alone again. She thought she had Bernie for keeps, but not all things are forever.

“Serena!”

Bernie stomps up the stairs after her and snags her wrist. Serena gasps as Bernie gently pushes her against the wall, spinning her until their faces are close together. Serena’s eyes slam shut, and she lets out a little sob.

“Please, Bernie I-”

“Serena, listen to me!” Her hands come up to frame Serena’s face, and Serena instinctively wraps her hands around Bernie’s wrists.

“Serena,” Bernie whispers against her lips. “I will always love Alex.”

Serena nods, and a single tear tracks down her cheek. She feels Bernie’s thumb wipe it away.

“But you’re the love of my life.”

Serena’s eyes fly open.

“My darling, I loved Alex very much. But I'm in love with you and you’re it. The one.”

“I am?” Serena whispers.

“Yes,” Bernie says gently, then tenderly kisses her lips. Her mouth is soft, and Serena whimpers. She sighs as Bernie kisses her cheeks, then her forehead, tracks down to her left ear and whispers “Shall I show you?”

Serena sniffles and nods. There are many ways to show love, but right now, in the dark of the night, when small fears become looming and vast, Serena needs this. 

Bernie pins her against the wall. A small, breathless gasp escapes Serena’s lips, and she sighs into the wanton kiss. Bernie is harsh, her tongue entering as soon as the kiss started, and Serena's head lolls back to gently thud against the wall. She clutches at Bernie’s shoulders, trying to stay upright when Bernie slips a thigh between her legs. Serena cants her hips and Bernie groans. It is a dark, rough sound that comes from deep in her chest. Serena leans closer, trying to deepen the kiss. But Bernie pulls them apart, and presses forward to whisper in Serena’s ear.

“I love you,” Bernie husks, her voice low and deep.

Serena shivers and moans. She winds her arms around Bernie’s neck, revelling in every inch that is pressed against her. Bernie feels so good and strong, so _right_.

Bernie lifts her mouth from Serena’s earlobe and whispers into her hair. “You drive me mad, you know that?” Then, she threads her fingers through Serena’s hair, grips a handful, and slowly forces her head back. She kisses Serena’s throat.

“Oh, god.”

Serena trembles underneath the forced movement and suddenly they’re kissing again, with passionate abandon. Serena aches to taste her, to touch Bernie. She gasps when Bernie moves the leg trapped between Serena’s thighs.

“Bernie!”

“I’m never leaving you, Serena,” Bernie growls. “Do you understand?”

Bernie bites down on Serena’s neck, then drags her teeth up to the spot just below her ear. She licks the shell, taking care to suck and bite down.

“Yes!” Serena nearly wails. It’s so good.

But Bernie pulls apart and steps back, leaving Serena wanton and panting. Her hands scramble for purchase against the wall and she looks up at Bernie. The other woman’s face is flushed, her mouth open and her breathing ragged. Serena’s knees nearly buckle when Bernie speaks.

“Go to the bedroom and take off your clothes.”

Serena shivers. She nods, and nearly runs to the bedroom. She strips quickly, folding her clothes onto the chair in the corner. Then, when she is fully naked, she lays down on her back across the bed. She raises herself up on her elbows as Bernie slowly removes her clothes. She leaves them in a pile near the hamper.

Then, she stalks forward and crawls up onto the bed, until she is hovering over Serena. She leans down and whispers once more into Serena’s ear.

“Spread your legs.”

“Yes,” Serena whimpers. She spreads her legs until Bernie settles between them, and she gasps as Bernie quickly lifts one leg to settle on her shoulder. Then, without warning, a palm goes straight to the wet between Serena’s legs.

Serena moans, but Bernie kisses her swiftly and cuts off the startled sound. Bernie strokes deliberately.

“Please,” Serena nearly shrieks. She presses her hot face into Bernie’s shoulder, her fingernails dragging across the skin of Bernie’s back.  

“You’re soaking,” Bernie whispers thickly. Her voice is filled with awe, and she emphasizes her point by slipping a finger inside.

Serena sighs and kisses Bernie’s neck. Bernie’s fingers drag across the plumped folds of flesh, and Serena bites down on Bernie’s shoulder. Bernie adds another finger and begins to enter more slowly. Her thumb comes up to caress Serena’s clit, and Serena sobs.

“I love fucking you,” Bernie groans.

“Oh,” Serena whimpers.

“I love all the sounds you make,” Bernie confesses softly. She plunges three fingers into Serena’s cunt and sighs in satisfaction as Serena cries out. Her fingers are curled upwards and Serena cannot help but squirm.

“Please, Bernie. Don’t stop. It’s.. It’s so… Bernie it’s so good!”  

“Never,” Bernie murmurs. “I’m never going to stop.”

“Yes!” Serena whimpers. She arches her back and her hands come up to tangle in Bernie’s hair. She pulls Bernie down for a kiss, sinking into the embrace as Bernie continues to tie her in knots.

Bernie leans down and captures a dusty nipple, kneading it with her teeth. She scrapes across the nub, smiling against Serena's moist skin as Serena lets out a sharp gasp at the painful pleasure. 

"Close," she whimpers, her fingers scrambling at Bernie's back, trying to find purchase. 

"I've got you, Serena," she murmurs. And the sound is so close and warm, like sunshine on bare shoulders, like the sound of waves dipping down onto the stones of the coast. 

"Now," Bernie urges. And Serena comes with her face pressed against the side of Bernie's neck. 

After, when Serena has stilled she feels Bernie lie down beside her. Bernie's fingers push back Serena's sweaty hair and she feels Bernie kiss her shoulder, and then feels the cool, heavy duvet settle on top of her. 

"Bernie," she whisperes in thanks, in atonement for her fears, in endless wonder. 

"You're stuck with me, I'm afraid," Bernie says with a soft smile. Her lips are still a little swollen from kissing, and Serena reaches out to trace them with her thumb. She gasps when Bernie nips the digit, her teeth gently biting down on skin. 

"Im sorry, Bernie." 

"Its okay, Serena. Just... talk to me. You can always talk to me." Her smile is radiant and Serena finally smiles back. 

"So, I'm the one, huh?" 

Bernie earnestly pulls her close and drops a quick kiss to her temple. She nuzzles the hair at the edge of her forehead and whispers lovingly into the night. 

"Yes Serena, very much the one." 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Oops I wrote more angst.


End file.
